The Three Levels of Listening (And Why Most of Us Never Get Past Level One)

I have a confession to make: I am not always a great listener. That’s right, ME, an attorney, mediator, educator, and someone who literally founded a platform built around communication and negotiation practice. That probably sounds like a strange admission, but I think it’s important. Listening is one of those skills we tend to overestimate. Most of us would probably describe ourselves generally as good listeners because we make eye contact, nod, and try not to interrupt. But there is a big difference between hearing someone and actually listening to them.

Over the years, I’ve come to think about listening as happening across three distinct levels. The first is where most of us spend our time. The second requires more intention. And the third is where listening becomes genuinely transformative. The interesting part is that, with the right practice, you can move between these levels in the same conversation.

The idea of practice is what led to developing Empathic Edge. If communication skills, including listening, can improve with practice, then why not have a platform dedicated to it? With Empathic Edge, the goal isn’t to become a perfect communicator, but to recognize where you are and learn how to communicate and listen more effectively when the conversation matters.

Level One: Listening to Respond

Level one is the most common form of listening. We hear the words, but our attention is largely focused on our own thoughts and preparing a response.

• What am I going to say next?
• How am I going to answer that?
• Do I agree?
• Do I disagree?
• How can I explain my position?

We all do this. Someone is telling you about a problem they’re having at work, and while they’re talking, you’re already mentally constructing the advice you plan to give them. You seem completely engaged from the outside, but internally you’re waiting for your opportunity to speak.

Level-one listening is focused primarily on preparing a response rather than understanding the speaker’s perspective.

Level Two: Listening to Understand

Level two is where listening becomes more intentional. Instead of asking, “What am I going to say?” we begin asking, “What is this person actually telling me?” That sounds like a small distinction, but it can actually be huge.

At level two, I’m not just hearing words, I’m paying attention to the substance of what you’re saying. I’m asking clarifying questions, noticing when something doesn’t make sense, and I’m resisting the urge to fill in the blanks based on my own assumptions.

Imagine an associate tells a supervising attorney, “I don’t think I can take on another case right now.” At level one, the response might be immediate:

“We’re all busy. Let’s make it work.”

At level two, the attorney might pause and ask:

“Tell me what’s making your workload feel unmanageable right now.”

That question changes the conversation. Maybe the associate has too many deadlines or they are struggling with a particular assignment. Maybe they simply need help prioritizing. You don’t know until you listen.

This is particularly important in legal practice. A client may describe a legal problem in one way while actually being worried about something else entirely. A client might say, “I just want to settle this.” But perhaps what they really mean is:

“I don’t want this to consume another year of my life.”

Those options offer very different information. Level-two listening helps us hear the words AND understand the meaning attached to them.

Level Three: Listening for Meaning

Level three is the one I find most fascinating, and I think it can fundamentally change negotiations, leadership, mediation, and client relationships. At level three, you’re listening not only to what someone says, but also to what may be underneath it. While listening, you are considering deeper levels of conversation like:

• What matters to this person?
• What are they worried about?
• What are they trying to protect?
• What do they need?
• What isn’t being said?

This doesn’t mean pretending you’re a mind reader. Quite the opposite – though sometimes that would be a nice trait to have. Level-three listening requires curiosity without assumption. Level-three listening seeks to understand the interests, emotions, concerns, and motivations underlying what a person says.

 Consider a simple negotiation. One party says:

“We’re not moving on the price.”

At level one, you’re already preparing your counteroffer. At level two, you might ask why the price is so important. At level three, you begin listening for the interest underneath the position. What does the price represent? Is the price actually the central issue?  Those distinctions can completely change the negotiation.

The same principle applies in conflict. Someone who says, “Nobody listens to me around here,” may not simply be complaining about communication. They may be (and likely are) telling you they feel undervalued. The words matter, but the meaning matters too.

Why Most of Us Get Stuck at Level One

Here’s the frustrating part: moving from level one to level two, or advancing to level three sounds easy when reading about it. But it becomes much harder when we’re actually in the conversation. Especially in high stakes conversations or conflict. In these moments we’re busy, distracted, under pressure, emotionally invested, or in conflict. If we’re being honest, sometimes we truly believe that we know what the other person is going to say.

That’s why listening is a practice skill. You can’t simply decide one morning, “I’m going to become an excellent listener,” and expect the habit to stick. You have to notice and practice redirecting your attention. You have to experience conversations where you deliberately slow down, ask another question, reflect, and resist the urge to immediately respond. And after all of that, you have to do this often enough that the behavior becomes more natural. Practice = habit.

Practice Is Where Listening Gets Better

As I mentioned earlier, the idea of practice is one of the reasons I created Empathic Edge. In my work as an attorney, mediator, and educator, I’ve seen how different people communicate when they are simply discussing communication versus when they’re actually placed inside a difficult conversation.

Knowing that you should listen is one thing. Listening when someone challenges you or you disagree is another. Empathic Edge gives users the opportunity to practice those situations through realistic AI-powered role play scenarios.

The objective isn’t to teach people how to sound like they’re listening. It’s to help them develop the habits that make genuine listening possible. Inside the platform you can practice asking better questions, slowing down, and responding to different perspectives. You have access to real feedback that allows you to practice and helps you shape future conversations.

Start Practicing Listening and Communication Skills with Empathic Edge

Over the years, I have become convinced that listening may be one of the most underestimated professional skills we have. In the legal industry, we spend enormous amounts of time learning how to speak persuasively, write effectively, negotiate strategically, and present confidently. But the reality is that, before we can do any of those things well, we need to understand the person sitting across from us.

The three levels of listening offer a simple way to think about that process.

• At level one, we’re listening to respond.
• At level two, we’re listening to understand.
• At level three, we’re listening for meaning.

None of us will operate at level three every time we have a conversation. I certainly don’t, and I don’t know anyone who does. But I know I can improve.

The next time you find yourself in a conversation that really matters, try asking yourself a simple question: Am I listening to respond, or am I listening to understand? That pause may be all it takes to change the conversation. Sometimes, changing the conversation is what changes the outcome.

Try Empathic Edge for free and start practicing your communication, listening, and negotiation skills.